Friday, 24th April2009
8:43 AM : I open my eyes, glance at my watch through the white haze clouding my vision and realise that I have precisely 2 minutes to get out of bed, get ready (i.e. brush my teeth, take a HUGE dump and bathe) and get my butt to the bus-stop. So I promptly go back to sleep, THUS missing the bus for the 27th straight day (I REALLY don't know why I haven't got my bus-pass canceled yet) .
10:45 AM: I finally, with a considerable amount of difficulty, lumber out of bed. It's a BRIGHT, sunny day outside and our "penthouse" is QUITE warm and stuffy despite the HUGE window being fully open......why does the fan look to my warped mind like one of those turkish sufi saints who wear long skirts and spin in circles with their arms raised?...hmmm....I think it's high time I removed that cloth sticking to the fan blade, lest I think, in ALL my warped-ness (??), that it's Marilyn Monroe striking that famous pose of hers....
I feel lousy (No, feeling lousy does NOT mean that you feel like a louse, which WOULD in fact have been appropriate, given the fact that I live in a sty. Thank god my surname isn't Swain (non-oriyas, don't even TRY to understand that one)---> I think my bracket-tourette is acting up again).
I find myself in a dilemma. Do I go to office and risk spoiling my weekend or do I take the day off to rest and recuperate? (If I may digress from this nonsensical story at this point,it might be of interest to the reader to know that the chances of my choosing work over a day off are SLIM to say the least. Kenya would have a better chance of winning the next cricket world cup). Without sparing as much as a second thought I fall back on my bed and moan myself to sleep (You'll be surprised how effective moaning can be in making you feel sick....I'd better get that published in some medical journal).
12:00 PM (that's mid-day and not midnight, for those thinking "he slept for 13 more hours????"): I'm woken up by 2 pigeons (most probably laila and majnu) doing the waltz on the tin plate jutting out over the window (that is supposed to block the sunlight)....bloody buggers, rubbing in the fact that I'm still single. Realising that I've slept for close to 13 Hrs, I feel even sicker now. I feel my neck, it's warm and wet.....wait a doggone minute....WET??...hmm...so I've drooled in my sleep. For the benefit of those don't know me or have never seen me sleeping while I'm sick, I drool in my sleep when I'm unwell.
Since I like ogling at that SERIOUSLY hot newsreader and also hearing the day's happenings and goings on, I switch on the TV and watch my FAVOURITE channel........cartoon network. I feel cold and my throat hurts when I swallow. Maybe I'm coming down with a flu or something. I lie down in the "GP position" (named after my illustrious uncle who, despite being a TAD overweight, manages to contort his body into gravity defying positions.....IN his sleep).
12:15 PM: No sooner have I made myself comfy on my bed, than I feel poopy.......darn. So I head for bog-land, towel in one hand, novel in the other. Those who've never been to my house, there's a window in my loo that looks out onto the floor below. You can see the staircase and the elevator and since there lives QUITE an attractive lady (the word I REALLY wanted to use here was nubile) on the floor below (SIGH!!!), I've made it a habit to peer through the window once, in the hope of catching even a fleeting glimpse of her. I'm not surprised to see two girls, aged around 20, one in a jeans n t-shirt and the other in a salwar-suit, sitting on the steps. I have seen them many times before. Surely they must be doing what ALL us ignoramuses think girls do, GOSSIP. I keep staring, be it out of curiosity or out of boredom or sheer bad manners (a DISTINCT possibility). I'm not surprised when the girl in the tees puts her arm around the other girl's shoulders....."maybe they're making up after a fight", I think to myself. I'm not surprised when Ms.Jeans pecks the other girl on her left cheek (aaaawww...this girl is going the extra mile to patch things up with the other girl).....other girls OUGHT to take a cue from these two. Twenty-nothing and showing SUCH a high degree of maturity. I'm close to tears on watching this display of friendship...BRAVO girls, BRAVO. Ms.tees' persistence pays off. Ms.Salwar turns her head towards her and kisses her on the lips....aaaawwww........er........WOAH..."did I see what I think I saw????"....So I wait and watch.....they just sit there, staring ahead.........5 seconds go by...nothing.....20 seconds......50 seconds...............and then...............HOLY F***ING S**T......LESBOS. Having forgotten all about my reason for visiting the loo, I grip the window sil to keep from falling into the commode. The two get up and move to a more secluded spot. Luckily I can still see them. Ms.Jeans pins Ms.Salwar against the wall and proceeds to..................*CENSORED*...................sorry peeps, I'm not here to write an adult novel, but suffice it to say that now I know why Jeff,Steve and Patrick (of 'coupling' fame) are crazy about lesbos............
As this is going on I rush into my room, grab my cellphone and proceed to capture "EVERYTHING" on camera. A good 10-15 minutes later I return to my room, a smug expression on my face, my towel around my neck, novel in one hand and my cellphone in the other. I feel markedly better now.
1:00 PM-8:00PM: I spend the next few hours gloating to my friends about what I saw in the afternoon. Half of them rubbish my claims outright, half of them DEMAND (threaten even) to see the video clip.
11:45 PM: One of the MOST interesting days in my tenure in this city comes to an end. I feel like Rick Blaine....maybe it's because, in THIS matter I can never do what I really want to. So here's the Humphery Bogart in me speaking to those two girls, "We'll always have the 24th of april '09". I get ready for bed. I get under the covers and stare at the cloth sticking to the fan blade. I smile and say, "Goodnight Marilyn"
.............................
11:50 PM: I wake with a start and rush to the loo.....darn those girls
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