a Tummy Tale

haven't posted anything in a long time, so to break the silence here's one of B dada's lesser known limericks that had me (as well as my pants.....if this were a movie, with Himesh Reshammiya in the lead (minus his cap of course) it would be an opportune moment for the music director, who would happen to be Anu Malik, to insert "oops! i did it again" as the background score...............sheesh, does anybody even LISTEN to such trash anymore??........I just love brackets and pauses as you might have noticed.........by the time you reach the end of one of my indecipherable sentences you'll no longer remember what it was about) in splits ---
I sat next to the duchess at tea
A place where I'll never again be
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal
And everybody thought it was me!!

Mindless Blabbering Part 1

THE PURSUIT OF RATA-TOOEEN

Wednesday,16th july 2008
5:20:57 PM (IST)--
this part of my life...er...post is called revelation--I'm not good at keeping promises...NO SH**, you might say...,but NO, I'm serious....as serious as a fart in a closed,crowded elevator (my sister's friends are CONVINCED that I've done a phd in fartology.....I wonder why), as serious and grim as you would try to be in a "you-cant-make-me-smile" contest....this is unacceptable (more "unacceptable" than Tom Hanks was according to Stanley Tucci in "The Terminal") ....

this part is introspection-- I haven't been keeping the promises I made in my blog opener ,or as in my case, the "BOG" opener, which is just an euphemism for what I did with that first post....open the door to a stinky loo (there I go again!!....I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired with myself).
I haven't been STEALING stuff, like i promised (plagiarising, that's the word I used).
In a mail I sent out to ppl I said this would be "your daily dose of BS"....of which there hasn't been much :- ....I'm SO SORRY for not having been able to provide you with enough bovine crap (though there's no dearth of bovine intellect). This is FAR from the YOGI-BEAR blog I expected to write....and it is certainly not for want of trying. I just happened to read a friend's blog and before I reached the end of the 1st post I knew something was wrong....it was like something had gone "WHOOMP" in my head....and just like that I had contracted the deadly, unforgiving,CRUEL disease---PSEUDO-WRITER'S BLOCK. therapists say one way to overcome this illness is to write whatever that comes to mind, but i doubt that'll work for me, for I spent all afternoon listening to "BadgerBadgerBadger" and now all that comes to mind is "badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom.....oh snake snake....oh its a snake"....that's not going to help much, is it?!......The say lack of inspiration might also be a reason, but I've got PLENTY of people around me at whom I can take a dig....(ok, THIS part of my post is called....BEING MEAN)I mean, how can I NOT poke fun at this girl in my Japanese class who let one rip (YIKES....SOMEBODY STOP ME!!) when the class was UNUSUALLY quiet. I could see the grim determination on her (Ms.M) face as she sat there with "clenched"...er.....er...._____, determined not to let out the dreaded "hoot" .......I could see sweat droplets form on her forehead, as she gave it her all.....I could almost hear her shout "FFRREEEEDDDDOOOMMMM"(a-la William Wallace)...on raged the battle for a good 5-10 mins during which there was much gnashing of teeth and clenching of fists and other parts of the body. But just as suddenly and fiercely as "it" had attacked, it left......she could hardly believe it , and my happiness knew no bounds ( for i was sitting RIGHT behind her diagonally to the right).....so you thought she'd beaten NATURE?!!....you LLIIAAR......I remember hearing a "squeak"(a ratatouille-esque squeak at that. Does THIS explain the title of the post?), which couldn't have been shoe-on-floor 'cause it's a carpeted room that we have our jap class in, and then my world went BLACK. I came to pretty soon, saw the look on her face (which was one of abject mortification) and doddered away to the back row gasping for breath. As i sat there regaining my composure, I PROMISED myself I wouldn't write or tell anyone about this. BUT I'M SORRY, THIS FIENDISH DISEASE MADE ME BREAK ANOTHER PROMISE.


We interrupt this post to bring you a message from the writer of this post----"Dear gullible readers, I would like nothing better than to continue beguiling you into wasting your time reading THIS, but I better end this monstrosity that's trying to morph itself into a blog before it destroys ME"


now back to our post---Mindless Blabbering part 1

This part of my post, this TINY part right here.....is called a STATUTORY HEALTH WARNING which I'm now obliged to give in every post following a directive from the U.N.D.I.E.S-United Nations Developing India's Economy Society, which for some reason thinks that such blogs can hamper India's economic growth.......so here i end this madness with a stupid little advisory--

Reading Mayank's blog is injurious to health. If u feel a sudden urge to rip your (or somebody else's) hair out (from the upper cranial portion of the anatomical structure, of course........ouch!!) then STOP reading IMMEDIATELY and let out a GOOD, LONG yell to release the frustration as prolonged exposure to THIS can result in extensive hair loss and mental trauma (which can be attributed to my not knowing the first thing about blogging)


ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
I sincerely thank P-cube for UNSELFISHLY lending her time and thoughts to the naming of this post, my team mates for dumping work as high as a pile of brontosaurus poo on me and then going around doing NOTHING themselves, thus contributing towards total annihilation of my will to work.
Lastly i would like to thank the girl who unwittingly made this post possible by parting with...er....a milligram or two of methane. 'M', if it weren't for that rancid bubble (thank you Sacha, for that WONDERFUL acceptance speech), people wouldn't be reading this today. Keep up, i mean keep letting out the good work.

Deja-vu

Did Bill Watterson somehow see the future??.....there are 2 ppl who'll understand why i'm posting this.
Sometimes in ur life, you meet someone or something with whom/which you bond INSTANTLY. You are ready to do whatever it takes to ensure that things turn out right.....u wish for things to BECOME right with every fibre of your being.
I met my "little racoon" (a little mongoose) in the winter of 2001...and the similarities between Calvin's story and mine are just TOO uncanny. I found him when I was playing with julie in our courtyard. Like Calvin, I put him in a shoe box and tried feeding him (but to no avail). By the 2nd day, he recognised my touch......Though he had grown really weak, I started thinking of the times that lay ahead...him by my side, hale and hearty, sitting on my shoulder, nibbling on my ear, getting on julie and comet's nerves :)
He died the next day......Like Calvin, it tore me up, primarily because it was my fault that he died (i...er....overfed him)

maybe it was a test that i was put through, to see how i handle the sudden passing of someone (or someTHING) I really care about........I think i scored a D

Like calvin, I'm glad i met the little thing..........................he's still there inside me.

HAPPY B'DAY COMET

My Dear White Lightning,
so, u finally turn 21( in dog years), eh?....the next time im in bbsr maybe we can have a beer together :P....... As i sit at my desk pretending to work, my mind wanders to that stormy night in June 2005 when your mummy suddenly went into labour. i vividly remember the look of terror and anxiety on my mother's face when she hollered out to me that julie's water had broken.....by the time i reached her misty (Julie Jr) was already out and julie was licking her clean...then as i took your TINY little sister in my hands and and picked up a cloth to wipe her, i was greeted by the LOUDEST, SHRILLEST yelp i have ever heard....the thought that crossed my mind at that moment was, "er....where did THAT come from???...does it mean misty ain't the first one!!!"....and thus started my frantic yet cautious(oxymoronic, eh?) search for the source of the sound in the bundle of cloth that we'd placed beside jules. And there you were, my tiny dumbo, as pink as a baby's lips, as tiny as my thumb, YELPING at the top of ur TINY lungs, letting the world know that u'd arrived .....i held u up, stroked ur pea sized head (:P) and decided then and there that YOU were the one I would keep......you would be our COMET, the devil in an angel's gown.
you and julie have given me IMMENSE joy and memories that will stay with me forEVER. u 2 have lit up my life like 2 candles in a dark room.
i wish u 2 LONG, HEALTHY, HAPPY and NAUGHTY lives
HAPPY BIRTHDAY COMET
Love,
The Monk

I see a PICINIC basket

After MUCH procrastination and millions of years of deliberation, I've finally decided to start a blog of my own....don't expect a yogi-blog, though (for those who aren't acquainted with my style of writing that would mean "better than the average blog")...in fact, I'm going to borrow HEAVILY from other peoples blogs, indulge in plagiarism, and copy-paste stuff i read in mails with abandon .....so people kind enough to read this...this.....whatever this is that I'm writing here, and increase my visitor count, kindly fasten your seat belts and return your seats to the upright position, as we might experience some turbulence (or flatulence) on the way.
Wishing you a safe and happy journey.